RIP Squad Diaries: 12 Days of Christmas Part II



Dec. 28, 2013

by Courtney Waldon - @wheresWALDOn12

I know it's late, but hey I had to take a break too. Everyone has been itching to see what I have to say about the underclassmen. Truth is, none of the players came to see Santa so I can't be blamed if they don't enjoy their gifts. There are no returns either, this isn't Wal-Mart. I give you the last half of the Purdue Women's Basketball 12 Days of Christmas.

On the 7th Day of Christmas Hayden Hamby gets from me...

A Megaphone. See the thing is, Hayden would actually have to talk to use a megaphone. She'd be the perfect person to tell secrets to because word will never get out. A front row seat is reserved in her classes so the teacher can hear her (I have no source to say that is true). I can't say I've ever heard her speak up in practice. When she does say something it's so faint that I can't hear it if I'm standing across the court. In no way am I saying being quiet is a bad thing. I was caught off guard during the IPFW game when I saw Hayden voice her opinion on a foul call. I believe that was the first time I saw her show any sort of emotion on the floor.


On the 8th Day of Christmas Joslyn Massey gets from me...

A Ladder.  When it comes to raw athleticism, Joslyn probably has the most of anyone on the team. She can run (usually a required skill for basketball, but she really runs the floor well) and jump out of the gym. She was in the dunk contest during Mackey Madness to kick off last season. I give Joslyn a ladder so she can use it to go up and grab rebounds instead of using my back. I think I've developed a mild case of scoliosis over the past two seasons because she's trying to escape my textbook box outs. She has a nose for the ball and sometimes that nose takes her up and over my unaware backside as I stand around the rim.



On the 9th Day of Christmas Ashley Morrissette gets from me...

Comedy and Tragedy Theatre Masks. I haven't spent a great amount of time around Ashley, but what I can tell you is she's got some game. What I can't tell you, though, is what kind of mood she is in on the floor. She wears the same look on her face throughout the entire practice and game. I'm fairly certain that if she hit a game winning shot she would just shake the hands of the other team and go to the locker room, all without changing her facial expression. She reminds me of former Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Caldwell who wears only one look; a blank stare that would frustrate poker players to no end.

On the 10th Day of Christmas Bridget Perry gets from me...

A headband that fits. Bridgette rocks the headband like the cool, hip basketball players do these days. But for some reason, she hasn't found one that can fit her head without needing adjustment. A new statistic should be added to show how many times she has to adjust it. She averages close to double digits in that department. Not so much in practice, but I swear her headband ends up around her neck after a minute of play during games. She messes with it with the frequency of KK Houser's chatterbox speech. I think a sweet bandana may be an acceptable substitute, or may I suggest a doo rag that would strike fear into opponents?

On the 11th Day of Christmas Torrie Thornton gets from me...

Stretch Armstrong. I'm reaching way back into the annals of toy history here (well, for my generation anyway), but Torrie's length is one of her greatest assets on the floor. She has Go-Go gadget arms if you're familiar with Inspector Gadget (more oy references) and they create a wall for the offensive player. Between her and Camille Redmon there is an infinite amount of arms in the paint area. I've gone to the rim with the intent to score and Torrie impedes my ability to do so. She's only listed at 6'0, but her length makes her seem bigger than that. She rebounds well for her size, sort of like Charles Barkley but without the insanely ridiculous comments on national television.

On the 12th Day of Christmas April Wilson gets from me...

Cookies. I would much rather have anyone else on the team guard me than April. She has the quickest hands and always seems to poke the ball away from me and everyone else on the RIP Squad a few times every practice. When this unfortunate event occurs she, along with KK Houser, yells "cookies." I first heard this said in high school so I'm familiar with the saying, but I have absolutely no idea what "cookies" has to do with stealing the ball. I can't even begin to come up with an explanation for the relationship between the two. Since cookies are on her mind during practice I figure she deserves a box of them, although I'll have to ask what kind (I'm taking this way too literal).

As a special bonus for you readers I'm throwing in a special "gift" for Coach Versyp. I don't believe I'm a distant descendant of Nostradamus but I have a feeling she received what I've proposed. Coach Versyp and the rest of the program needed a BREAK after three games in eight days. The Boilermakers had to dig deep for three straight wins, two of which came on the road in hostile environments, but found a way to improve to 9-2. ESPN's Graham Hays asked Versyp after the Green Bay game, "Coach, they'd won eight straight against Big Ten teams, and people just don't come up here anymore: Why did you?" Her response was brilliant, "We're not afraid." Makes me proud to be associated with this team, and I suppose that's my Christmas present. Just one more game tomorrow before the Big Ten Conference season starts! It's going to be a glorious 2014!

I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and has a Happy New Year. Boiler Up!