Dec. 16, 2013
by Courtney Waldon - @wheresWALDOn12
Now that finals week here at Purdue is finally finished, we (mostly me) can focus on the important things in life. These things include sleep, raiding my family's kitchen for food I can't afford, and of course Purdue women's basketball. Since the last installment of RIP Squad Diaries, the ladies suffered a tough loss at Duke and turned around to put a beat down on the IPFW Mastodons at home and edge out a solid Kansas team at historic Allen Fieldhouse. The Boilers played some of their best ball of the season against the second-ranked Blue Devils in the first half but couldn't withstand Duke's runs in the second half. Even with the loss, playing in a tough venue such as Cameron Indoor Stadium can only better prepare them for the road ahead.
The next two installments of the RIP Squad Diaries will feature a "12 Days of RIP Christmas," sending out my holiday gifts to the twelve members of the Boilermaker roster. My generosity in this case will know few boundaries, and we may even see some additional days and gifts for Coach Versyp and her staff. It's just hard to say what might be in Santa's bag. So sit back and enjoy as I play a jolly, fat man in a red suit, stuffing my front with several of mom's decorative pillows and shaving the family dog in order to give myself some facial hair. I'll be "giving" each player something for Christmas that probably didn't make it on their Christmas list this year (or ever). Without further ado, let the giving begin...
On the 1st day of Christmas, Dee Dee Williams gets from me...
If you've ever seen Dee Dee out on the floor you'll notice her shorts are barely fingertip length, which would be considered inappropriate at just about every elementary school in the country. Maybe they aren't that short, but they definitely rise up a little more than most shorts. Most of the time watching basketball I find myself asking whether a player is wearing short pants or long shorts, but in Dee Dee's case I wonder if she's wearing short shorts or a miniskirt. Her style matches that of the players from the 1970's and 80's who weren't afraid to let a little skin show. All I'm trying to say is old-school Magic Johnson would be proud. I can joke all I want but it seems to be working for her because she's starting and, you know, I'm not even on the team.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, Courtney Moses gets from me...
A Missed Shot.
She probably doesn't know what this is; seriously, the girl never misses a shot in practice. There must be something about the name Courtney and being a great shooter (I'm humble, I know). Everyone in the gym expects her shots to go in every time. When her shots don't fall I think everyone stands with a bewildered look on their face like their parents gave them a fake ID and said, "Have a good time tonight." It really would be nice if she would miss sometimes to make the RIP Squad look good. Not that we look good anyway but our usual poor effort on defense should be rewarded from time to time.
On the 3rd day of Christmas KK Houser gets from me...
A Word Limit.
Never in my life have I been around a player that talks as much as KK. The coaches love for the team to communicate on the floor, but KK takes this to another level. She sings, talks smack to the practice guys, and calls a foul on every one of her missed shots. Anyone who has seen her play knows she brings a ton of energy, which we see in practice as well, and she was probably one of those kids that had to be put on a leash when she was little to keep her from running away.
Along with the constant talking, KK lacks an inside voice. She talks like she's shouting from the top of a mountain. My eardrums take a beating in practice along with my body thanks to KK.
On the 4th day of Christmas Camille Redmon gets from me...
This isn't to say I go in the lane for a layup when she is in, because I don't, and let that be a warning to the other teams out there. Camille is by far the biggest girl on the team, and so when she falls, she FALLS. I'm sure the coaching staff's hearts skip a beat every time she hits the floor. I've had the pleasure (well, maybe pleasure isn't the right word) of her falling on top of me after grabbing a rebound. It all happened in slow motion and my life flashed before my eyes. The noises she makes when she falls are usually enough to make most of the team bust out laughing, but as the saying goes, "fall seven times, stand up eight". Camille will fall down seven times, or maybe more, but she'll get up eight and trot down the floor like it never happened.
On the 5th day of Christmas Liza Clemons gets from me...
I promise I'm not obsessed with shorts. Liza has a very... let's say interesting way of dealing with the shorts that she says are too long. I've seen players roll the waist of their shorts to make them shorter but Liza has come up with by far the strangest way of fixing them. She tucks part of her shorts into her spandex undershorts and lets the end of them hang out just above her knees. It sort of makes me uncomfortable in practice because it doesn't look right. She told me she doesn't like them rubbing on her knees. The solution to this is simple; steal some of Dee Dee's shorts and this new fashion statement won't be necessary.
On the 6th day of Christmas Whitney Bays gets from me...
A Softer Knee Brace.
If you were to ask me, I'd tell you Whitney's knee brace is made out of solid aluminum. I've grazed that brace with my leg more times than I'd like to say and is like coming into contact with a barbed wire fence. Whitney sat out last year per NCAA rules after she transferred from the University of Maryland and she insisted on playing me in H-O-R-S-E nearly every day during practice. Just so everyone knows; she's a cheater. Who plays H-O-R-S-E and shoots with their non-dominant hand? The answer to that is Whitney. The only way she could beat me is by forcing me to shoot with my left hand. I refuse to play her again because of her actions in the past.
If everyone is nice, brings me more cookies and milk, and I'm able to find another small animal to steal facial hair from, "Santa" will get his bag of presents back out and give gifts to all the Boilermaker underclassmen.